


The Rooftop Quandary

by DefyGravity18



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-06 00:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/729717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefyGravity18/pseuds/DefyGravity18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written pre-season 6, so it is not really canon compliant at this point!</p><p>Sheldon and Penny get locked on the roof together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

* * *

I'm hiding.

I'll be the first to admit it, but since the whole 'proposal' disaster, I kind of can't face Leonard. It's not that I don't care about him or that I don't want to  _be_  with him. It's just that we never seem to be in the same place at the same time, and I'm starting to wonder if we ever will be. Everything seemed like it would go back to normal after we all gathered in 4A and watched Howard launch into space (I still can't believe that actually happened). But it's not. It's awkward and awful, and the silence is full of unanswered questions and unfulfilled promises.

Let me be perfectly clear. I  _adore_ Leonard. I just don't know if I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with him. I've watched my sister suffer in silence for the past seventeen years, because she made a stupid mistake when she was fifteen and ended up with the dumbest person on the planet. Even my parents' marriage is strained because my mother couldn't accept the fact that she would have to grow up and learn to be a wife and mother.

So, it's no surprise that I have a  _tiny_ aversion to commitment.

Which is why I'm sitting alone on the same roof where Howard and Bernadette got married with a bottle of wine and a trashy magazine.. Ah well, at least it's warm and the raccoon that likes to hang out in the corner isn't going to ask me to marry it. So, I'll just sit here and stare up at the stars through the hazy glare of L.A. lights and ponder my next step. Briefly, I consider asking Amy for advice, since  _her_ relationship seems to be going in a decent direction. Granted, it's with Dr. Whack-A-Doodle, but at this point, who am I to judge? She's happier than I've ever seen her now that she and Moon-Pie are on a hand holding basis.

Good for them.

Now, what the hell do  _I_ do? I could pack my bags and take off for Omaha…but why? So I can sit in the kitchen of my parents' farm house and listen to them _not_ speak to each other? No thanks.

I could freak out, break up with Leonard (again) and find a new group of friends. Again, no thanks.

Which leaves option three. I can figure out what the hell I want out of this relationship and why it's not working again. We tried once, two years ago. It did not end well thanks to me. Now we're trying again and it's not going well…because of  _me._ (Setting aside the fact that Leonard has the emotional subtlety of a bull in a china shop.) But, I know the answer already. This time, there's no going back. It's a yes or it's a no. There's no, let's hang on and see how things go. Leonard can say he's willing to wait until the cows come home, but both of us know he won't. So, do I spend my life with Leonard or do I let him go for good?

The thought of losing him physically makes my heart hurt, but I  _can't_ do this. Something is not right and I cannot make myself commit to him for some reason. The worst thing is, he's exactly what I need. He's too good to be true. He's Mr. Right. It's me who's wrong.

Pouring myself another glass of wine, I empty the bottle and lean back on my elbows and remember how clear the sky was in Omaha at night, and how the vast infinity of space made me feel like nothing but a speck of dust. According to the guys, that's pretty much what we are. Earth is a speck floating through the air. Like the Whos in Horton Hears a Who.

Great book.

It's while I'm pondering my slightly boozy thoughts about outer space and Dr. Suess that the door to the roof opens, and the brick propping it open is moved aside so the intruder can come out. I'd know that tall, lanky form anywhere. There just aren't that many thirty-two year old guys who dress like they're still in pre-school.

"What up, Moon-Pie?" I say, startling him as he nearly drops the armful of technology he's carrying. As he's backing up, I notice his foot knock the brick propping the door open aside…and the door shuts.

Uh oh.

See, here's the problem. The door to our roof locks immediately when it closes from the inside. The mechanism is broken and our landlord hasn't gotten his lazy ass over here to fix it. So, we prop it open with a brick. Except the brick is now lying uselessly beside the door, and the door is shut.

And I'm locked on the roof with Sheldon.

No, no, no, no,  _no!_

"Penny! I was unaware that you were up here!" He squawks at me, setting his things aside and giving me an accusatory glance.

"Last I checked, the roof was free domain," I shoot back, glaring at him with an equally baleful expression. "What are _you_  doing here?"

"Amy and I were enjoying a perfectly pleasant evening together. She, reading her latest issue of  _Neuron_  and I working on my article detailing the new research my department is doing on the Higgs Boson Particle with Stephen Hawking. It was perfectly quiet, and delightfully mundane," His eyes flash toward me in accusation again, "Until  _your_ boyfriend insisted on interrupting us and suggested a game of Jenga only  _after_ he was unable to reach  _you._ "

"Wait," I say, staring at him in disbelief, "Are you really blaming me because Leonard interrupted your…quiet, non-sexy fun time with Amy?" Without a blink, he nods, confirming my suspicion. He's a freaking loon.

"Of course it's your fault, Penny!" He insists, "Ever since Leonard proposed marriage to you in the throes of coitus—"

"Argh! Sheldon,  _come_ on!" I groan, covering my eyes.

"Well, that's what happened," He reminds me, raising an eyebrow at me sardonically, "And you're not fooling anyone, Penny. Anyone with an ounce of sense in their head can see that you're avoiding Leonard."

"I-I am not!" I cry indignantly, biting my lip and taking a long swig of my wine. It doesn't help with the sudden dryness in my mouth.

"Penny," Sheldon sighs, his voice laced with delightful condescension, "Need I remind you of your messy breakup at the bowling alley two years ago? It's no different now. And it's inconvenient for  _me_ , because your problems with Leonard are now impugning on  _my_  relationship with Amy!"

"Okay, I don't know what  _impugning_ means," I snap at him, "But don't blame me for your problems with Amy. You only have yourself to blame,  _Bucko!"_

"Penny, at this very moment, Leonard is lamenting to Amy about his inability to connect with you," Sheldon tells me, "He is whining incessantly about his inability to please you over a game of Jenga with Amy, and she wasn't paying  _any_  attention to  _me."_

"Yeah, I'm sure she was just  _loving_ sitting on the couch with you while you ignored her and did work!" I tell him acidly, "Why  _ever_  would she want to, I don't know, actually  _talk_  to someone?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Sheldon retorts haughtily, making me growl in frustration.

"That was  _sarcasm,_  you big goof!" I rail, flying to the door and tugging desperately on it. I cannot be trapped on this roof with Sheldon. I

"Oh." His voice lowers, and I can hear him exhale, "It doesn't do any good for you to pull on the door. You know as well as I do that the door locks from the inside."

"It does  _me_ good," I mutter, turning back to him in defeat and trudging back to my half drunk glass of red wine. The thing is, he's kind of right, which really pisses me off, because he knows it. I shouldn't be sitting on this roof hiding from my own boyfriend. I should be trying to fix the issue we're having, so that we can both have some peace.

But Sheldon is not much better than I am. He's been dating Amy since November, and he doesn't do right by her. He acts like being her boyfriend is a chore, but she's great. She's cute and fun, and a great person. And he takes her for granted. And it burns me up.

But aren't I doing the same thing to Leonard?

Oh,  _balls._

"Look at us, hiding from our significant others while they enjoy themselves downstairs," I mutter, hating myself as I finish off the last of my wine. "This must be our punishment," I add, gesturing around the roof.

" _I've_  done nothing wrong," Sheldon protests, opening his laptop and letting out a sound of distress. "Drat! I forgot the adapter and the battery is dying."

"Karma's a bitch, ain't it Moon-Pie?" I smirk, watching as he snaps his head toward me and gives me a look of death.

" _Ain't_  is not a word, Penny!" He grumbles, crossing his arms moodily, "And  _don't_  call me Moon-Pie!" Rolling my eyes, I plod over to him and sink to sit beside him on the ledge. I take a deep breath, and focus on a the barely visible Big Dipper.

"You're right," I tell him, trying very hard not to grit my teeth. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him look down at me in surprise.

"I usually am," He agrees, making me eye him warningly. His mouth shuts immediately.

"I am avoiding Leonard," I confess, shaking my head tiredly, "I should have never done this beta test thing."

"I disagree," Sheldon says, surprising me, "The beta test is one of the smartest decisions you and Leonard have made as a couple. However, I cannot say I am surprised that the two of you still cannot connect."

"And why is that?" I ask, feeling uncharitable.

"Because, any fool can see that the two of you are not compatible with one another. That much has been clear since our first meeting. Leonard is so intent on impressing you, and you don't want to be impressed." I can only stare at him slack jawed. For an overgrown toddler, he kind of hit the nail on the head. "Once, when I was staying at my MeeMaw's with my siblings, my brother George caught a frog in the creek near her house," He tells me, and I find myself listening in wide eyed silence, having never heard anything like this before from Sheldon, "I, of course, found the creature repulsive, but George wanted to keep it, regardless of my warnings of disease and germs. The frog was slippery and was struggling, so George tried to hold it tighter, but it was no use. The frog managed to slip out of his hand and hop away." Sheldon's eyes meet mine, and, even though I'm confused, I'm kind of fascinated to hear about a time before Sheldon lived and breathed physics and superheroes.

"So, what does that have to do with me and Leonard?" I ask, swallowing as I watch Sheldon absently clasp and unclasp his hands. A nervous habit of his.

"It relates to your situation, because the harder George tried to hold onto that frog, the more difficult it was to keep it," Sheldon explains, "The more Leonard clings to having you, the more you want to escape. You're the frog, Penny."

Well, crap on a cracker. Dr. Whack-A-Doodle is right.

I don't say anything for a while, and we both kind of stare out into the night in charged silence. I want to yell at Sheldon. Tell him he's wrong. Tell him he's arrogant. Scream that he knows nothing about me. But that's not true. The sick thing is, I think Sheldon may understand me more than any of my friends…and that's kind of a terrifying thought.

"I can't do it anymore, Sheldon," I hear myself utter into the quiet; "I can't keep pretending that this thing with Leonard is going somewhere. We're in different places because we're  _different_  people." I turn to look up into his pale face, "I have to end it, don't I?" His brows furrow in bemusement as he stares down at me.

"You're asking me for relationship advice?" He asks in disbelief, making me chuckle dryly, "Despite the fact that you are questioning my own treatment of Amy?"

"What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment," I quip, eyeing my empty bottle of wine longingly. I can feel him shift uncomfortably beside me, but I can't bring myself to look over at him, because I'm kind of afraid his face will confirm what I suspect he's going to say.

"I have always seen that you and Leonard could never work," he begins, bringing his hand up to protect his throat and making me roll my eyes at him.

"Yes, you've made that quite clear," I respond, "I want to know what I need to  _do."_

"I can't answer that question for you, Penny," Sheldon insists, "All I can tell you is what I see. And what I see, is that you and Leonard do not suit. But, in the end, my opinion isn't what matters, much as I'd like to refute that statement. In the end, it is up to you, and you  _alone._ "

"When did you become so wise?" I ask, managing half a laugh even though I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach.

"Penny," He begins. Here we go. "I have an I.Q. of one hundred eighty-seven and an eidetic memory. The research I am working on now is sure to send me into the direct path of a Nobel Prize."

"Yeah, yeah…you're smart. Big whoop," I sigh, but I smile anyway, even if I still feel like garbage. "You know, I had a MeeMaw too," I tell him softly, still not looking at him.

"I—what?" He asks, clearly confused. I don't know…I'm trying something here.

"Yeah, but I called her Gran," I go on, letting my eyes flit sideways to see him staring at me in confusion, "My brother is five years older than me and my sister is seven, so I kind of spent a lot of time alone as a kid. I used to spend my afternoons with her and we'd play card games and talk about everything from cow manure to the Spice Girls. She was my best friend." I swallow the sudden lump in my throat, remembering my gentle, talkative grandmother with her long silver hair and her smiling blue eyes. "She died when I was sixteen," I add, but I don't know why.

"I see," Sheldon answers, looking uncomfortable. "Penny?"

"What?"

"What are the Spice Girls?" He inquires. Okay, I can't help it. I start to laugh. And not a little half hearted chuckle. For some reason, his cluelessness, combined with the sheer weirdness of this situation is making me giddy with a mix of despair and amusement. So, instead of bursting into hysterical tears, I laugh. And laugh. And Sheldon stares at me as if I've gone completely bat crap crazy. But, I don't stop.

I'm a mess.

"The Spice Girls were a British girl singing group from the nineties," I explain when I've recovered a few of my senses. "Amy loves them." I add, giving him a reproachful look. He should know these things. They've been dating for half a year. "You would know that if you cared to even—"

"I kissed Amy," Sheldon blurts out, looking at me in horror. He almost looks guilty. And I kind of feel like he just kicked me in the gut, because I'm so shocked.

"I've seen her kiss you," I tell him, swallowing my surprise. "It's not a big—"

"No, Penny," he shakes his head vehemently, " _I_ kissed  _her._  Last week after Howard left."

"Oh." I don't know what else to say. I mean, really? Why does the guy tell  _me_ this stuff? I don't want to hear about it. I mean, good for Amy! Ya know? But I don't know how to respond. Is he looking for a reaction? A nod? A smile? A pat on the back? I don't know what to say to him, so I say, "That's cool. How was it?" Sheldon seems to think on this for a few minutes, before he shrugs.

"Pleasant enough, I suppose. I cannot deny my relief when I didn't immediately fall ill," he adds, making me roll my eyes so hard that I'm afraid they might get stuck in the back of my head. "Penny, I know you told her about the hotdog spaghetti."

"Huh?" I ask, meeting his eyes.

"I know Amy asked you about how to impress me and you told her about the spaghetti," he tells me, toying with the hem of his shirt, "I know, because she asked me about Soft Kitty too."

"She did?" I utter, holding my breath. He nods, confirming this.

"She asked why there wasn't a section in the Relationship Agreement dictating that she sing Soft Kitty to me," he tells me. A wave of sudden nausea washes over me, although that  _could_  be due to the bottle of wine I just killed.

"What did you say…?" I whisper, feeling kind of like I'm on that spinning ride at the carnival. The Gravitron.

"I told her that it was an unnecessary consideration, as  _you_  sing Soft Kitty to me when I am sick," he insists, and (I'm not proud of this) a consuming swell of satisfaction fills my chest, even though I give him a scolding look.

"Sheldon!" I cry, smacking his arm, "Amy is your  _girlfriend._  You cannot have another girl sing to you when you're sick."

"Why not?" He asks, affronted.

" _Because!"_  I cry. Yeah, good one Penny! _There's_  a good reason. "Because it's…inappropriate! Because it will probably hurt Amy's feelings. Is Amy a bad singer?"

"Not particularly," Sheldon answers, still confused, "But that doesn't hold much bearing anyway as you can't sing either—"

"Okay," I cut him off, trying to suppress the urge to wrap my Nebraskan Man Hands around his skinny neck, "But Sheldon, it's inappropriate, because Amy might think  _you_  have feelings for  _me._ "

"I do," Sheldon replies seriously, frowning at me.

" _What?"_  I cry, leaping away from him and feeling my pulse go into an adrenaline fueled overdrive.

"Of course I have feelings for you," He continues, eyeing me warily, "You're my friend, Penny." Suddenly, I catch his meaning and feel my body sag in relief.

"Oh," I gasp, laughing a little, " _Oh…_ "

"I don't understand the panic," Sheldon says, folding his arms and watching me.

"I was referring to…romantic, non-platonic feelings," I point out, watching his face go white with realization.

"Oh!" He leaps the opposite way, knocking into the wall of the building.

"You meant you have feelings as me as your friend," I go on, and notice his left eye twitch as he looks away.

"I—"

" _Sheldon?"_  I start toward him, ready to grab him by the front of the shirt. I don't know what that will accomplish, but the look on his face is scaring the  _hell_  out of me.

" _There_  you are!" Leonard's voice comes from the door. I stop mid-step and turn to see Leonard and Amy standing in the doorway to the building. Amy quickly props the door open and rejoins Leonard. "What are you guys doing…?" Leonard asks, looking between us cautiously. I do not look back at Sheldon.

"I got stuck on the roof and when Sheldon came out, I scared him and he let the door close," I say quickly, lying only a little. "It's a good thing you guys came." Leonard visibly relaxes. "What were  _you_  guys up to?"

"Amy just beat me at Jenga and we decided to come find Sheldon," He tells me, glancing at Amy, who gives a curt nod, before looking at Sheldon.

"Are you over your toddler-esque temper tantrum?" She inquires shortly, obviously still a little irritated with her idiot boyfriend. Who could blame the woman? "Of course, I don't see how you could stay moody after extended amount of time with this absolutely unearthly being."

"Oh, Ames," I mutter, covering my face. Mine and Sheldon's conversation about the frog comes back to me as I meet Leonard's eyes. He's so hopeful. He wants so much from me, and I just don't think I can give him what he needs.

And it's breaking my heart.

"We're thinking about renting a movie and getting a pizza," Leonard says, looking at Sheldon. "What do you think?"

"It's Thursday and Pizza Night, so that is acceptable," he answers, sounding very much back to normal as he moves to retrieve his discarded laptop.

"Penny?" Leonard says, smiling at me. I stare at him for a moment, before I look at Amy, who is also smiling expectantly. Swallowing my devastation, I plaster on a smile and nod, taking Leonard's proffered hand.

"Sounds great, honey," I tell him, pulling him toward the open roof door. I look back and share one more strange, frighteningly meaningful look with Sheldon, before we return to our lives.

I'm a coward.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written by MattUF1.

 

* * *

I wish I could say I felt good about my decision. You know, how you're supposed to feel that sense of relief because you did the right thing? Yeah, I don't feel that, you know what I feel? Alone, you know why? Because I am.

Sitting in my apartment with the television on (though I have no idea what channel this is, I don't even care) I listen to the sounds of my refrigerator humming and my stomach growling every now and then.

There's no food in the damn thing, I should just unplug it so I can have some freaking silence (and maybe lower my power bill) in this place. Although I know that silence will only make my mind wander even faster than it is now.

See, here's the thing; for the second time in the last three years, I was pretty much given a perfect opportunity to find myself a place in this world, a boy who would love me and give me the world and what did I do? I broke up with him. I broke his heart (and mine in the process) and pretty much isolated myself from the only people in the world that I really give a damn about.

So I've found my old friend again, red wine and she and I are going to party all night (or at least until I pass out) because I need my mind to shut down, even if it's only for  _one_ night.

I need a break from my own conscious. That bitchy voice in my head that's constantly telling me to run away, even now, even after I  _have_ ran away from Leonard, it's telling me to keep going. Telling me to go back to Omaha and get a job answer phones at the company my sister works for.

I could find a good guy there right? I mean not Leonard good and certainly not Leonard smart, but good enough to pop out a few kids with and love them.

That could be enough, loving my children (even though the idea of having kids is  _horrifying_  because I still get queasy when people post those disgusting pictures of their babies making messes of their dinners).

Eventually, yeah eventually I could be happy in that life, or at the least, satisfied.

Taking a long breath, I pour myself a drink and scoop the glass up in my palm and take a sip. It's familiar and sweet, a taste I've all but associated with heartache and emptiness. I got drunk on this the first time I broke up with Leonard, I woke up in the back seat of my car after the night I left Kurt.

Hell, I had my first glass (that turned into a whole bottle) at sixteen after my Gran died.

So yeah, red wine and I go way back.

The hardest part of breaking up with Leonard, outside of that sad look that came across his face when I told him it wasn't working, is that everyone has seemingly taken his side.

Not that I blame them,  _I_ broke up with him, I'm the bad guy. I just miss them.

Amy still comes over, I couldn't lose her if I tried to pry her away with a crowbar. For that I am extremely thankful but I know that for the most part she wants to spend time with Sheldon.

She and Sheldon are doing…something, where it's at now I don't know. I saw them walking up the stairs together the other day as I was going to work and Amy gave me a hug and Sheldon gave me the same "hello" he always has.

I'm sure Sheldon's not really  _avoiding_ me as much as he is just following the social convention that's been dictated to him by his friends.

I can't help but wonder if I've really messed it up this time. Things fell back into place eventually after Leonard and I's first foray into dating but I knew, even as we started this beta test thing, that the risk this time was bigger.

There's a part of me that feels like I should be mad. Maybe I should, they're  _my_ friends too aren't they? I've gone to Howard's house before and dragged him out of a pouting fit and back onto his feet (sure I  _put_ him there, but that's besides the point). I held Raj as he cried after breaking up with his deaf girlfriend and we watched a tearjerker, cheesy romance marathon of movies to make him feel better.

I mean I also went to bed with him but that's  _not_ the point I'm trying to make.

The number of things I've done for Sheldon would fill up a list too long for me to ever possibly right.

Why didn't they take my side? Why don't they come over here and ask me how I'm doing?

Oh yeah, that's right… _I_ ruined everything.

Gotta love self-pity.

Thank  _God_ red wine doesn't mock me.

_Knock, knock, knock_

"Penny?" His knock and voice fill my ears and I cast my eyes to the door hesitantly, as if I'm wondering if I hadn't just hallucinated the sound.

_Knock, knock, knock_

"Penny?" There it is again, it wasn't an illusion and I'm on my feet faster than I ever have been. As if ignoring him for a split second will force him to turn away and leave.

He's barely through his final calling of my name and I'm opening the door with the best smile I can find. "Hey," I don't call him MoonPie even though it was  _right there_ on the tip of my tongue. I don't know why, I feel stupid for being tentative around him. This is  _Sheldon_ , he's going to find something to bitch about no matter what.

"Hello, I see you're partaking in an old tradition." He says with a slight gesture to the glass in my hand and I glare at him.

"This is my  _first_ glass, MoonPie." Ah, now I feel better. "What's up?"

He licks his lips and shifts a bit to the left and that's when I notice he has a plate of something in his hand, covered with tinfoil.

"First of all, don't call me MoonPie, only MeeMaw—"

"Calls you MoonPie." I interrupt, feeling a slightly triumphant smile tickle my cheeks as his glare deepens. "Got it."

"Yes," he says dryly, letting out an exaggerated sigh. "I suppose we could call this a bit of a Segway as to my presence at your apartment this evening. Seeing as it is Anything Can Happen Thursday and Amy is working late, I found myself at home alone and decided to bake some of  _my_ MeeMaw's famous cookies."

Oh, so it's cookies in his hand. Well, nothing really goes better with wine and self-loathing like a good batch of cookies! "Oh really? And you brought me some?"

"MeeMaw always—" He stops and looks beyond where I'm standing. "May I come in? This plate is still hot and it's becoming troublesome to hold?"

"Sure," I step aside and watch as he moves inside and quickly shuffles to the kitchen and sets the plate down on my counter. "I see you went with your plaid pants tonight. I thought those were special occasion pants?"

If there is  _one_ thing I can always do with Sheldon, it's notice those little things that he does, the things no one else notices. Like the fact that he wears his plaid pants when he's doing something he loves. Like flying kites or when a new Flash comic book comes out. Not any other, just for Flash does Sheldon bring out the plaid pants and makes the rest of the world cringe.

"Well, cooking my MeeMaw's cookies is a very special occasion. As I hardly ever make them and have spent years trying to master the recipe just right, it's an important event." He says, taking off the tinfoil as I move towards where he's standing (okay I'm actually moving towards the wonderful smell of what appears to be Peanut Butter cookies).

"Years?" I challenge, taking in a heavy whiff of baked goodness and feeling my mouth water. "You mean Dr. Sheldon Cooper with his IQ of 187 didn't  _master_ his MeeMaw's cookie recipe on the very first try?"

Staring at me as if my mere presence is the most exhausting thing he's  _ever_ had to deal with, Sheldon plucks up a cookie and hands it to me. "According to my MeeMaw, you cannot cook with your mind, you cook with your heart and I have, quote, kept mine locked away so long I'm not sure how to bring it out." There's something about what he says that draws me away from everything about this moment. The wine, the cookies, the mood of the room between us.

All I can do is look at him and see a boy who's never known how to use his heart. Clearly the words mean nothing to him because he rolled his eyes when he said it. But I realize then that it's  _true_. I've seen Sheldon's heart, it was there when he dragged my ass out of the bathtub or when he offered me money without a second thought. He cares about people, I like to think that he cares about me and I certainly hope he cares about Amy.

But he doesn't understand it, in a lot of ways he fights it.

It makes me sad because I'm suddenly and very oddly afraid that he'll figure it out to late and be all alone.

That's when I realize that my original thought is pointless, he'll never be alone. Hell, I couldn't live with myself if I abandoned him and a part of me thinks Leonard feels the same way.

In his own roundabout way, Sheldon has a way of digging himself into your heart.

"You are looking a bit slack-jawed, Penny? Are you intoxicated?"

I sigh, okay so he gets into your heart and all that cheese…but it would still be fun to slug him in the damn throat.

"No, I'm not  _intoxicated_. I was just thinking." I say, remembering there is a delicious cookie in my hand and I take a bit.

It melts (and I am not even kidding) it fucking  _melts_ in my mouth. I actually moan and smile a bit when I realize that I've made Sheldon blush at the sound before I put the rest of the damn thing in my mouth because I need to get to cookie number two as fast as I possibly can.

"So I take it from your overbearing display of affection, that you enjoy the treat?" He asks, biting into his own cookie as I struggle not to be upset that he's taking away from, what he said, was  _my_ plate of cookies.

"They are so good." I murmur between bites, not really giving a damn that talking with my mouth full is a big no-no for Dr. Whack-A-Doodle. "Five years, we've known each other for five years and you've  _never_ made me any of these before?"

Sheldon moves to my fridge and opens it, he's looking at the overwhelming  _lack_ of food that I have and when he pulls away, he looks at me tiredly. "You really need to make a trip to the grocery store, Penny."

"Yeah well, I  _really_ need to get paid first."

"If you need—"

"Ah," I cut him off, I loved the generosity of that moment from him, but I'm not about to feel that anxiety again. "I can't take your money, Sweetie, I'll get to the store, until then…I have cookies and wine."

That's when I notice him moving across my apartment and heading towards the door. There is a deflation in my chest that I can't explain, like he's taking away my favorite Hello Kitty doll (okay if he tried that I'd tackle his ass, but this is how I would feel if I couldn't).

I don't want to ask, I know that when I do the question is going to sound pathetic, but I can't help myself. "Where are you going?" Yep, it came out soft and breathy and I feel like a loser.

Thank God or his particle that Sheldon doesn't pick up on this sort of thing and he merely peers at me over his shoulder as he keeps walking. "To retrieve the milk from my apartment, we cannot have MeeMaw's cookies without a glass of milk." And he's out the door while I watch his back move across the hall.

Having not been in 4A for a good week, I take this as my chance to see those familiar walls and scurry to catch up with him. I make my way into his apartment just as he's reaching the kitchen.

So it's not any different, I guess I really shouldn't have expected it to be but it makes that little feeling in my chest come back. I wonder if there will ever be a time when I can come in here and laugh with  _my_ friends again.

"Hey Sheldon," I start, watching as he pulls out the gallon of milk and a pair of glasses from the cupboard.

"Hmm?" He answers, it's relaxed and easy, something about the simplicity of the sound that calms me. I can't explain it.

There really isn't anything to explain, maybe I'm going crazy, I don't know.

Just ignore me…

"Do uh…has Leonard talk about our breakup at all?"

I know I really shouldn't be prying into this. Leonard has probably said some pretty unpleasant things about me (or not, this  _is_ Leonard we're talking about). Maybe I hope he has, maybe if he can hate me for a while then we can start over and find that friendship again at some point.

Waiting for that wouldn't be so bad, waiting for him to want to date again would be. Because I won't go back there.

Sheldon is precise in pouring the two glasses of milk, making sure they even out perfectly and he even goes on to check the gallon level.

I roll my eyes but don't say anything. The subject needs to stay the same.

Picking up the glasses, he's moving towards me again and I give him an expectant look.

"I believe the better question would be has Leonard  _stopped_ talking about yours and his breakup." He says, walking past me and I'm anxiously following him out the door, shutting it behind me. "It has been the topic of conversation more than once, despite my futile attempts to bring up intelligent and meaningful subjects."

I feel like I should stop him, like I should just say okay, take my glass of milk and let it go.

But I don't, I'm a masochist like that.

"Is he mad at me?" I ask as we move to my counter and sit in two stools in front of the cookies next to each other.

He seems to be processing my question as he takes his cookie and dips it into the milk for a moment and then eats it.

So now I have to wait for him to finish chewing because he couldn't wait to answer me before devouring his first cookie.

Yes, I'm on my third since we've sat down but I'm perfectly fine with talking with my mouth full!

Finally, he swallows and I'm watching him again, feeling like my brain is about to explode.

Sheldon nods. "I think so, but for the most part he appears to be…grieving."

"Oh," my heart sinks.

"I believe his exact words were; it's real this time, I knew it was because she didn't cry when she told me."

And he's right and I remember specifically _not_ crying because at the time it didn't hurt me, it felt like an escape.

I feel like I want to cry now, but I won't let myself. Instead I just eat another damn cookie and realize that we're starting to run out.

"Your absence from our apartment has not gone unnoticed." He says, literally, out of  _nowhere_ and I'm looking at him with puffy cheeks filled with cookie that I force myself to swallow. "Amy brings it up  _constantly._ "

Oh. "Oh, well I don't really think I'll be around any time soon."

Sheldon nods slowly, taking a slow breath as he refocuses on his milk. There's one cookie left and I'm ready to let him have it (the guy did make them) when he pushes the plate to me and proceeds to finish off the rest of his milk.

"Thanks." I say gratefully before eating it slowly, no milk, just savoring the taste. "This was very nice of you, to bring me some cookies."

"Well I did make far too many." He responds but I  _know_ that's not true, he made them with every intention of sharing them with me. Maybe that was just to stroke his own ego and hear me praise how good they were, but for now I'll pretend it was because he wanted to spend time with me.

That maybe he missed me a little.

Yeah, I can say that, it makes me feel better.

"Penny?" He calls my name and I'm watching him, finishing off my milk as I raise my eyebrows in response. "Would you be willing to accompany me to paintball this Sunday?"

"Wh—" That was, without a doubt, the last thing I ever expected him to say.

Seriously, if he had told me he was really a superhero and Sheldon Cooper was his alter ego, that would have surprised me less.

"Sweetie, I don't think so. The guys won't want me to go."

Sheldon is shaking his head even before I finish. "They will not be available this Saturday, they are accompanying Howard as he takes his mother to San Diego to visit a shop there that, apparently, sells a certain kind of kidney bean that she enjoys."

"And that takes three people?" I ask, finding the reasoning odd.

That's when I see the slight smirk paint Sheldon's lips. "They are all going in case Mrs. Wolowitz is entrapped in her seat in the car and needs help exiting."

That little  _shit,_ he's actually smiling thinking about the boys trying to drag Howard's mother out of her car.

Something about his smile makes me smile and then I'm suddenly laughing and his smile is gone, replaced with confusion and wonder.

Wiping at the tears in my eyes, I let out a few more soft chuckles and sigh. "I would love too," and I really would because it's so geeky and so… _Sheldon_ that I realize I need it. I need to get my geek on and doing that with Sheldon means I won't have to feel awkward or answer any questions about Leonard.

He doesn't care and I don't want to bring it up.

"That's great," he says, and it's almost genuine until his face distorts a bit. "Do you have equipment? After you accompanied us last time I  _told_ you to purchase some paintball equipment for future use."

I'm smirking again, because I know my answer is going to make him twitch and I'm a little bit excited about that. "Nope." I say simply and there it is.

His eye twitches, his hands fidget and I'm biting the inside of my cheek not to start laughing again.

"Well that is unacceptable. There is a sporting goods store that sells proper equipment, I suggest you purchase what you need otherwise you'll be forced to ask Leonard or Wolowitz to borrow theirs."

Damn him, yeah, he's right, I'm not about to do that. "Is this place open now?" I ask, realizing I barely got through half of my glass of wine and I'm good to drive.

Of course, Sheldon doesn't see this. "It is not within walking distance and I am certainly  _not_ going to drive."

"Sweetie, I'm fine, I barely had any to drink and I'm sure the cookies soaked up whatever I did. We'll be fine."

"Penny," he starts, annoyance in his eyes. "I'm sure that the local law enforcement of Pasadena will not take into account the fact that you've eaten a few delicious cookies."

I lick my lips and grin. "Do you want me to do a sobriety test for you?" I stop, reaching out with both hands to my sides and then bringing them in to touch my nose, I don't miss, then again I've practiced this drunk so that I don't miss then either, but that was when I was younger, I don't drink and drive anymore.

Not after I lost that side mirror in Hollywood.

Not after I actually found things in this world that I didn't want to lose.

"Okay?" I ask, eying him expectantly.

He studies me for a second, almost circling me and I throw my head back with a groan.

"The edge of your carpet, walk that line for me."

"You can't be serious?"

He puffs up a bit. "I'm always serious, Penny."

"Bazinga says otherwise, MoonPie." I return, moving to the edge of the carpet. Why I put up with this stuff from him I'll never know.

But I do, it's like Soft Kitty and not sitting in his damn spot. It's pointless and annoying and I do it every damn time.

"Only Mee—"

"Are you paying attention?" I silence him, pointing to my feet as they move one in front of the other. "I'm only doing this once."

So he watches me as I walk along the edge of the rug and feel like an idiot but also feel about a thousand times better than I did before he came over with his little plate of cookies.

It's simple, it's fun in that aggravating kind of way and it's just the right kind of normal.

I wondered if Sheldon missed me when he came over here but I realize now that I have  _really_ missed him this week.

When I finish walking the line, I look at him with bright eyes and my hands on my hips.

He takes a breath and moves past me, grabbing my keys out of the bowl he made for me (seriously the guy made me a bowl with clay, there's not much he  _can't_ do). He then hands them to me and I smile.

"Good," I say and I'm suddenly leading him out the door. "Say, are you still hungry?" I ask, following him down the steps.

Sheldon nods slowly. "Yes, outside of the cookies I haven't eaten this evening. As it is Anything Can Happen Thursday I was unsure of what to make myself."

"You want to get some pizza at Giacomos?"

He stiffens in front of me, but keeps walking. "But it's Anything Can Happen Thursday, the entire premise is to change what I eat on this day, change up my routine. Giacomos is what I normally eat on Thursdays."

I smirk. "So you want some pizza?"

"Dear  _Lord,_ yes."

A laugh escapes me as I finally realize what's bubbling up inside of me. Yeah, I wouldn't ever leave Sheldon behind, wouldn't ever abandon him.

But I know now that it goes both ways.

Sheldon won't leave me either, and I kind of love the Whack-A-Doodle for that.


End file.
